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Today’s Tip: We vs. They
Your boss asks how a report is coming, and
you respond, “Sales is late getting the forecast numbers to
me.”
Your module is ready for testing when you
are handed a change order. The extra work squeezes your
deadline – again. You tell your boss it would have been
ready if Design would make up their minds about what they
want.
Sometimes we need to remind ourselves that we interact and
work with people in a dynamic environment. Co-workers have
different priorities and the environment is constantly
evolving. Trying to keep up with everything that is
happening can be a challenge. As we try to keep up, we often
fall into the habit of labeling others – we talk of Sales
and Design instead of Joe and Mary. We use a general label
to push the human element out of the way; we now have
another entity that is the obstacle instead of having to
deal with a person. We think this makes it easier for us to
manage.
On the surface this seems harmless enough.
But labels are not harmless. In fact, there are many reasons
they can be harmful to our ability to work together
effectively. For one, they turn the team “we” into “we vs.
they”. This inevitably leads to tensions and conflict if not
changed.
When we start labeling groups we build a
crevasse that separates us from them. Now there are those
who meet the criteria of the label and those who don’t.
Usually there is an implied judgment that accompanies the
label: they are the obstacles, the villains, different –
probably inferior in some way.
When we label someone as different or
inferior, it is easier for us to treat them differently. We
then see them as the label, not as the person. Once we have
made the jump to viewing people in terms of an arbitrary
label, it is easier to disregard their humanity and use (or
abuse) them. This is, in fact, one of the tools used to
subjugate people world wide and perpetrate some of the worst
human rights violations.
There are times when we are going to use
labels. When we do, I always recommend conscious and
judicious use, and that we stay attuned to the fact there
are real people behind the label.
Even better, instead of labeling others we
can use their names. We can say that Joe is still trying to
get the forecast numbers we need, or that Mary is responding
to the client’s needs. Keeping a real person in the picture
helps us to maintain the connectedness instead of
discounting and/or blaming. In the long run, it will make
for a stronger team.
Remember… it’s all in how you say it!
If you have a specific
communication issue you would like to see addressed in this
forum, let Sherry know by contacting her at
sherry@thewattsconnection.com.
Let Sherry Help You:
Sherry often speaks to groups interested in
learning how they improve their communication skills. If you
know of a group looking for speakers, ask her how she can
tailor a program to their specific needs.
If you want to learn more about how coaching can help you
take your communications to the next level, Sherry offers a
complimentary coaching session designed to help you
experience coaching and see if it is right for you.
You can contact Sherry at
sherry@thewattsconnection.com.
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