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Today’s Tip: Gossip
Did you hear what happened to Tom?
Can you believe what Shirley did?
Did you hear the scuttlebutt about a planned reorganization?
Gossip. We all do it sometimes, some more than others. It is
so common that we seldom notice that quiet voice in our
heads trying to tell us that, just perhaps we shouldn’t be
engaging in this type of behavior. And we almost never stop
to think about potential consequences.
Sometimes there is no harm is passing along information. But
often there often can be some very real, negative
consequences. There are many reasons this is true,
including:
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As the stories get relayed from person
to person, the information increasingly gets distorted –
remember the game “telephone” we played as children? As
the distortions grow, so does the amount of confusion
and the likelihood we are creating problems.
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Just because something happened to
someone doesn’t mean the person wants the entire world
to know. This is especially true if what happened is bad
but can also be true if it was good.
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If the gossip is based on speculation,
such as a possible reorganization, the end result is
typically confusion, stress, lost productivity and more
stress. It seldom serves a useful purpose.
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If the information was meant to be kept
secret, we can create a breach of trust with the person
who told us. This breach can be difficult and time
consuming to overcome; it might even cause a permanent
shift or rift in a relationship.
Gossip is known as the cancer of any
organization. It is dangerous. Regardless of why we choose
to gossip, we cannot ignore the potential pain, stress,
confusion, distrust and conflict that might result. Nor can
we escape accountability and responsibility for these
consequences.
Before deciding whether to pass along a juicy tidbit of
gossip, ask yourself a few questions:
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Is the information true, kind and
necessary? If so, you might thoughtfully and selectively
tell others, making it clear why you think you need to
tell them.
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Would the person involved prefer to
choose (and control) who, when, where and how to relate
the information? We can save ourselves trouble by simply
asking for permission first.
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Am I doing this to stroke my own ego
(e.g. create the impression I am “in the loop”)? If so,
there are better ways, ways that will not cause any harm
for others, to accomplish this.
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Will gossiping create the image I
want others to have of me? If people don’t think I can
keep a secret, they won’t trust me or open themselves up
to me.
When in doubt, don’t.
Remember… it’s all in how you say it!
If you have a specific
communication issue you would like to see addressed in this
forum, let Sherry know by contacting her at
sherry@thewattsconnection.com.
Let Sherry Help You:
Sherry often speaks to groups interested in
learning how they improve their communication skills. If you
know of a group looking for speakers, ask her how she can
tailor a program to their specific needs.
If you want to learn more about how coaching can help you
take your communications to the next level, Sherry offers a
complimentary coaching session designed to help you
experience coaching and see if it is right for you.
You can contact Sherry at
sherry@thewattsconnection.com.
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