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Today’s Tip: Self Talk
We are given an assignment, and the first
thing we think is: “I can’t do that”.
We make a mistake and we tell ourselves, “I
am so stupid”.
We do a good job on something and pat
ourselves on the back, saying “I’m the man”.
These are all examples of our self talk:
what we say to ourselves about ourselves.
Our self talk is powerful. Just as the
words we use with others helps them shape how they see
themselves, the words we use with ourselves in our self talk
reflect and shape how we see ourselves.
It is important we are as careful with our
self talk as we are with our words to others. When we hear
others calling us names and judging us, we can make informed
choices as whether or not to take them seriously and we can
turn them off. When it is our self talk that is judging us,
we are less objective in evaluating the truth of what we are
saying and it is more difficult to turn it off.
Why is this important? The more we hear
negative things about ourselves, the more likely we are to
we believe them. When we hear ourselves being labeled as
stupid, or weak, or [you fill in the blank], over time we
start to think and act as if those labels are true. If we
think we aren’t as good as someone else, we start deferring
to the other and fail to live up to our potential. Ex: Do
you know someone who thinks she isn’t smart just because she
didn’t go to college? She is likely to let the fact that she
didn’t have access to a higher level of education keep her
in lower paying jobs regardless of how intelligent she
really is.
To make sure our self talk doesn’t hold us
back, we want to be careful we label and judge our behaviors
and actions, not ourselves. We do this by saying something
like: “I can (figure out how to) do that”, or “That wasn’t
one of my better decisions”, or “I really did a good job on
that one”. Maintaining a more positive attitude about
ourselves allows us to stay open to the possibilities that
surround us. It allows us to achieve at a higher level. It
allows us to see the lessons, especially when we don’t do
our best. It allows us to maintain a healthy self-esteem.
And, it is up to us to manage our self-esteem.
There is an old saying that if we say “I
can” or “I can’t”, either way we are probably right. To
achieve our best, we want to make sure we believe we can.
Remember… it’s all in how you say it!
If you have a specific
communication issue you would like to see addressed in this
forum, let Sherry know by contacting her at
sherry@thewattsconnection.com.
Happy Thanksgiving
As we take this day to give
thanks for all we have been given, I give thanks for all of
you. Happy Thanksgiving.
Let Sherry Help You:
Sherry often speaks to groups interested in
learning how they improve their communication skills. If you
know of a group looking for speakers, ask her how she can
tailor a program to their specific needs.
If you want to learn more about how coaching can help you
take your communications to the next level, Sherry offers a
complimentary coaching session designed to help you
experience coaching and see if it is right for you.
You can contact Sherry at
sherry@thewattsconnection.com.
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