|
Today’s Tip: One Up
We all know someone who plays the “one up”
game. (I use the word “game” loosely here.) The game is
simple: to make the person look superior in some way:
smarter, prettier, more capable …. Whatever is happening,
they have to come out on top: the person who always has to
win, be the best and get the recognition. Of course putting
one person in a superior position means that others are put
down; it is always at someone else’s expense.
Some of the ways we do this, intentionally
or not, include:
-
Insisting on being the first, or last,
to speak. This is sometimes used as a means of
maintaining control (dominate), and sometimes it may be
a personality trait.
-
Calling the males in your office “men”
while calling the females “girls”. The two terms are not
equal; keeping them on equal levels would be “men and
women”, or “boys and girls”. Mixing the levels, as in
“men and girls” or “boys and women”, is usually
perceived as patronizing and a not-so-subtle form of
domination.
-
Jumping in to do something that is
another’s responsibility without being asked: “Here, let
me help you with that”. This is often under the guise of
being helpful, but deprives the person of their
autonomy. This can be an intentional or unconscious
attempt to “one up”, or a sign of over-functioning.
There are many reasons people try to
maintain a “one up” position. A few examples: In a
dog-eat-dog world, some may use it to get ahead or to
maintain position. Some are predisposed to the game and are
unaware they are playing it at harmful or inappropriate
times. Some are feeling unappreciated and may be looking for
validation. Some may be concerned things will not workout
correctly if they don’t do everything themselves and are
afraid it will make them look bad.
Trying to maintain a superior position to
those around you is harmful. It breeds conflict, causes
animosity and runs counter to the teamwork concept. This is
true even when it is unconscious; we tend to feel something
is off and over time resentment builds up.
There are a number of things we can do when
we find ourselves being forced down in this manner. Of
course, before doing anything we should do a reality check;
we need to make sure the power we are trying to restore is
really ours. If it is our boss, we may want to defer action
unless it threatens to have an adverse effect on our job
performance. If it is important that we maintain or regain
our power and control, we need to be assertive and speak up
for our needs. Making the other person aware of what it is
we want and need is often both simple and quick. If the
person gets defensive, angry or belligerent, it may take
more preparation and time to come to a mutually successful
resolution. It is worth it.
Remember… it’s all in how you say it!
If you have a specific
communication issue you would like to see addressed in this
forum, let Sherry know by contacting her at
sherry@thewattsconnection.com.
Let Sherry Help You:
Sherry often speaks to groups interested in
learning how they improve their communication skills. If you
know of a group looking for speakers, ask her how she can
tailor a program to their specific needs.
If you want to learn more about how coaching can help you
take your communications to the next level, Sherry offers a
complimentary coaching session designed to help you
experience coaching and see if it is right for you.
You can contact Sherry at
sherry@thewattsconnection.com.
Subscribe now:
If you liked what you read in this issue,
we invite you to:
-
Subscribe and receive this e-zine
once/month, send an email to
info@thewattsconnection.com
with the word SUBSCRIBE in the subject line. You
will not receive another e-zine from me unless you send
the email asking to subscribe.
You will be able to unsubscribe at any time by
sending an email with the word UNSUBSCRIBE in the
subject line. FRIEND: As we discussed, I have
already added you to the subscription list, so you do
not need to respond unless you decide to unsubscribe.
-
Contact us and let us know how the tip
helped you.
|
